Coffin Lip
is my poem any good please comment?
as i lay down to sleep
i do not cry
i do not weep
for heavy pollution corrupts my eye
and i will fall deep
so that even death will not reap
come to me darkness
engulf me like so
what will i dream
i do not now
blood death a silent scream
i awake everything is not as it seems
my eyes slip you dont play fair
you have me in your grip
your untimely snare
as i falll asleep i take a drip
as the drool comes forth from my lip
you hurt you trick my brain
i grab my head
i am going insane
for i am know dead
the cause my dreams
the coffin my bed
darkness will fall
here comes the sun
play your games
have your fun
but i will wake with unimaginable pain
to now i must sleep once again
so my dear
do not fret
dont shed a tear
sleep is not our death
when you awake ill be here
to ease the pain
it will not sear
well thanx for reading
Now I lay me down in sleep
a bag of candy at my feet
I reach for them to suck
all night have cavities
at morning light.
Your poem is very dark
I like mine better.. but the cavities are deep and worry me.
actually all fun aside,
if you take this and edit it further smooth it out, it will read much better.
Lithium – Evanescence (Lorys Coffin) *Lip Syncing*
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